People of the Philippines vs. Me

''Ignorance of the law must not prevent the losing attorney from collecting his fee''

This quote exactly describes what I've been thinking lately and has been pissing me off for the past few days. Instead of us focusing in our wedding plans and starting out with our lives, we can't really do it because we still have some problems that we have left behind in the Philippines. The past that until now continues to hunt us and have left a big scar in me. My heart that is now full of anger and doesn't know to trust anymore.

Its confidentiality prevents me from voicing out what I feel and think about it. One thing that really annoys me is that I can't even write the real names of the people involve and the real story here. As my husband told me, ''wag na daw namin bigyan pa ng bala ang kalaban na ipambabaril saamin''. So what? I'll just keep my mouth shut, remain silent and let the evil prevail?!

I am one of those Filipinos who doesnt trust JUSTICE in the Philippines. Who is ashamed of our country when it comes to the politicians or government authorities, the policemen, the lawyers, even the taxi drivers. They all have something in common -- CORRUPTION. It sucks but it's true. Before, I thought that it's only a story in movies (kathang-isip). But after I have experience it all, I realized it's really happening in real life. It is true that with money, you can make a blind person see. With money, you can make the wrong things right. With money, you can make impossible things possible. With money, you can manipulate things and the people around you.

So much for this, I should be talking about our lawyer only. But I'm just really upset about everything and I couldn't just blame our lawyer. It's about all of the people who betrayed us and screwed our lives.

We were in the right side. We have all the strong evidences. We have the money. But what seems to be wrong? Our lawyer who doesnt seem to care about us?! Who only cares about money?! That we don't know if he's just taking advantage of us because of our weaknesses... I don't know anymore. :(

What makes me more upset is that we are thinking about settling down with our evil opponent. We are thinking about letting them win. Letting the wrong be right. So that I dont have to fly back to the Philippines and so that we won't be separated again. My hubby just wants to have a peace of mind and for us to be able to start a happy life together. I know he is right. I know that it's the best thing we can do but I can't. :( I don't want to. It's hard for me to accept it. It has left a big mark on me. A big trauma. Aside from the thousands of money that we've spent for nothing, all I think about now is, ''how about the damages it costs me?'' How about the 2 years that I was fighting alone, scared and miserable. How about my heart that felt hatred until now? How about the 2 years of sufferings and embarassment that I never deserved?!

In being practical and facing the reality, yes it was just all for nothing. It was all wasted. God knows how much I want to fight for this but I know I dont deserve another year of miserable life without him. :( I know when to give up. It is NOW. It is time to stop and leave it all to God. It is time to move on.

Although sometimes I wonder if there really is such a thing as karma. I hope karma exists, because there are some bastards out there who deserve some major payback. And if it really does exist, it is something I'll just hold on for now to live with a peace of mind...