Feeling guilty :(

I have a confession to make.

Long before the holy week, I lost my motivation in school. I don't know why. I suddenly felt really depressed lately. I just don't wanna go to school anymore. I have so many silly questions like, why can't I just go to school here instantly? Why can't I just get a job now? Why do I have to learn this fucking language that I never really care of studying before? Why can't I just live my life now? Why do I have to start all over again?! It's really frustrating me. I feel I'm stuck on it and I don't have a choice but live with it. I have wasted lots of time or many years already. I always start something and I'm never able to finish it. This time, I'm scared to try and fail again. I'm lost and I'm not sure which track I should go or what I really should do.

Anyways, enough of the drama. :P Yesterday, I lied to my husband. My class starts at 8:30am which is way too early for me. I told him my class starts at 11:45 and ofc, he believed me. I can't tell him I don't wanna go to school coz I know he won't let me. So at exactly 10am, I forced myself to wake up and took a bath. I left home and pretended like I'm going to school. The truth is, I went to the mall. I just looked around and wasted my entire day there. Pretending like I went to school, I went home at exactly 5pm. When I got home, he wasn't there. I wondered where he was coz it's his day off. I was tired and sleepy so I just laid down in bed and I fell asleep waiting for him to come home.

Around 6pm, there he was lying in bed with me. He was so sweet trying to wake me up. We played like usual, tickling and teasing in bed.. sshh! :P And then he told me he's got a surprise for me. So I'm all curious and wondering what it was. He led me to our window and there I saw it. It's parked outside! Ooopss, don't get excited. It's not a car! At least not yet.. haha.

Well the reason why I'm writing this is because I really felt guilty. Of course I won't tell him. :P I was almost teary eyed when I hugged and thanked him. I was like... 'if you only know what I did today!'. Our house is just 10-15 minutes walk to our school but I always complain to him about how far it is. It's so impractical for me to take a bus coz it takes longer to wait for a bus than to walk. It was just a bike but I was really touched. I just realized how really lucky I am to have him. He really is spoiling me. He'd prioritize me before himself. He gives me everything I want, as much as he could. He provides me with everything I need but I feel so irresponsible to show him how much I appreciate it and do something in return. Ahh, it just makes me feel so guilty that he loves me so much while I'm being so useless and careless.

Now, it helps that he inspires me. :) I hope to gain my motivation back and start focusing with my goals. I hope that someday, I can make him proud. So for now, it's about time to be a good girl! :P ( But geeeezz, it's hard!) hehe peace! :D

What's on my mind: I finally got my wheels!!! Two wheels nga lang :D :P

Cheers!